Monday, July 11, 2005
Searching for true love, when God writes your love story
the nightmare had come true... again. what had started out as a harmless, fun, innocent relationship had slowly become a complicated entanglement of emotion and passion, only to end abruptly now that the fire had faded. the cutting pain that ruthlessly squeezed my heart was so intense i could scarcely breathe. a dark cloud of despair overcame me, mercilessly pouring a violent torrent of rejection and hopelessness into my reeling mind.
it was over. once again, i was in for a sleepless night of agony, hours of weeping until no more tears would come. once again, i would have to face the aching, desperate lonliness of walking into a crowded room full of strangers, no hand to hold. once again, i was alone.
how many years had i longed and urgently searched for true love? how many nights have i laid awake, dreaming of a beautiful romance-a lasting relationship that wouldn't end in heartache?
i had made incredible sacrifices in an attempt to somehow cling to every short-lived dating relationship that came my way. i had given pieces of myself away to each girl that came into my life-pieces of my heart, my emotions. yet once she had tired of me, my fragile heart would be played with and then carelessly tossed aside. even if i was the one who ended a relationship, the heartbreaking pain was inevitable. every time it felt like something precious was being violently ripped from inside of me.
i yearned to be loved and cherished. i had dreamed of a perfect love story for my entire life. but somewhere in the midst of the endless cycle of one temporary romance after the next, my dreams had shattered right along with the broken and fragmented pieces of the heart.
i had asked others for advice. those from the older generation had simply given guidelines to follow, which were so completely out of touch with the reality of my world that they were worthless to me.
when i turned to those in the younger generation, i found they were all in the same boat i was in-an endless cycle of shallow and cheap romances that never lasted and left us emotionally bleeding and insecure. in fact, the pain i experienced was small compared to what many of my friends had gone through.
as i lay on my oh-so-smelling-good-pantene aromatic bed pondering these thoughts, i found myself inwardly forming a desperate prayer.
"God, where are You in this?" my heart cried silently. "I am Your child. all my life You know i have longed for something beautiful. i have searched for true love. does a pure and perfect romance even exist in this dark world of lust and perversion and sin? should i even dare to dream of something beyond the shallow, meaningless, cheap version of love i've known so far?"
it was over. once again, i was in for a sleepless night of agony, hours of weeping until no more tears would come. once again, i would have to face the aching, desperate lonliness of walking into a crowded room full of strangers, no hand to hold. once again, i was alone.
how many years had i longed and urgently searched for true love? how many nights have i laid awake, dreaming of a beautiful romance-a lasting relationship that wouldn't end in heartache?
i had made incredible sacrifices in an attempt to somehow cling to every short-lived dating relationship that came my way. i had given pieces of myself away to each girl that came into my life-pieces of my heart, my emotions. yet once she had tired of me, my fragile heart would be played with and then carelessly tossed aside. even if i was the one who ended a relationship, the heartbreaking pain was inevitable. every time it felt like something precious was being violently ripped from inside of me.
i yearned to be loved and cherished. i had dreamed of a perfect love story for my entire life. but somewhere in the midst of the endless cycle of one temporary romance after the next, my dreams had shattered right along with the broken and fragmented pieces of the heart.
i had asked others for advice. those from the older generation had simply given guidelines to follow, which were so completely out of touch with the reality of my world that they were worthless to me.
when i turned to those in the younger generation, i found they were all in the same boat i was in-an endless cycle of shallow and cheap romances that never lasted and left us emotionally bleeding and insecure. in fact, the pain i experienced was small compared to what many of my friends had gone through.
as i lay on my oh-so-smelling-good-pantene aromatic bed pondering these thoughts, i found myself inwardly forming a desperate prayer.
"God, where are You in this?" my heart cried silently. "I am Your child. all my life You know i have longed for something beautiful. i have searched for true love. does a pure and perfect romance even exist in this dark world of lust and perversion and sin? should i even dare to dream of something beyond the shallow, meaningless, cheap version of love i've known so far?"
Then came a soft, gentle tuggin upon my heart. suddenly i somehow knew that my life did not need to be this way and that God had something better for me. it was almost as if God himself was reminding me... I Am the Author of True Love; I Am the Creator of Romance.
a quiet challenge deeply touched my spirit in that moment, as if God were tenderly standing before me, with tears of boundless love in His eyes, whispering to my heart... you have searched for true love in your own way. but My ways are not your ways. I want to script a beautiful tale just for you, but first you must trust Me with the pen of this precious area of your life. will you let Me write your love story?
